Reconnecting With Me

I am going through some major growing pains in my life. Perhaps I am even having a freaking mid life crisis. It sounds funny to say that, but sadly, I suspect that I am. I don't know where I belong anymore. What used to once be important to me is now maybe not so important. I am so confused about life lately. My life used to revolve around work and ambition, but now it just seems so much less important to me anymore.

It's grown to be so confusing to me that I don't even know on which blog to write anymore. I have a number of blogs with various topics. I want a personal blog, but nothing seems to really fit me. I have always had compartmentalized blogs-one about feminism, another about health, another about education, another about books. I can go on and on. But lately I just can't seem to be compartmentalized anymore.

I am so confused because I have so many various perspectives and interests. I am afraid to write about all of the topics because I am afraid that I will turn off a reader who is interested in one topic when I am blogging about another. For example, do my educator friends want to hear about feminism? Or politics? Or books? Or walking? Or health? Or having a baby? Or activism?

For months, maybe even going on a year, I have been having this dilemma when it comes to blogging. Tonight I signed on to feminism and motherhood blog to blog about the process of getting ready to have a baby. I just sat and stared at the screen and realized that I don't consider my identity to be primarily dominated by motherhood, so I just don't feel like my femimommy.com blog is going to suffice. I then signed on to my feminism blog. But many of my feminism readers aren't educators, so why bore them with lots of information about education? And then it just occurred to me to throw it all away and start anew here. Here is a place where I will write for me, and write about topics that make me happy and interest me.

I've struggled with wondering if I should tell my close friends about my new blogging endeavor. I have always blogged anonymously and have loved the freedom. A couple of months ago, I felt that anonymous blogging isn't enough. But tonight as I sit here, I have decided that I will tell about five people about this blog, but I also won't hide who I am from this blog. And I plan on being open and honest on this blog-even if it means that there may one day be a backlash.

Well, I first started this blog post in angst and now I feel free. I am glad that you have made it this far through the post. I feel happy that I am finally doing something for myself, because lord knows that all I do all of my life is serve other people and am obligated to meeting the needs of others. I am looking forward to reconnecting with my old self and discovering the new self that I am transforming into. Welcome and thanks for joining me on my journey.