Confession: I'm a Slob

A dirty little secret that I hide from everyone is that I am a big Slob. Slob with a capital S. Maybe it's not so much of a secret per se, because my boss often makes fun of the piles of papers on my desk and my secretary constantly begs me to come in on a Saturday to straighten up my office or organize my files. One time my boyfriend even made me sign a contract that I would pick up after myself when I am at his house. Being a slob is a really hard habit to break, especially when it's been a flaw of mine since I was a child. It's something that I really hate about myself. 

I'd much rather be reading, talking, debating, blogging, watching television, or any other task other than cleaning or organizing. In fact, I took a break from organizing my living room just so that I could write about being a slob. I will do anything that I can to avoid organizing my paperwork. I honestly love to read ten books at the same time, and if you see my house you would see them left in various spots all throughout the house--while the kindle bought last Christmas is still practically wrapped up in it's original box.

I'd really like to change this bad flaw of mine. It's just that it's so overwhelming to do. My hopes always start high and then when I start throwing away the piles of junk mail that I stack up everywhere and trying to organize all of my various paperwork, I just feel defeated because there is just so darn much to do. I have ten boxes of books that have been sitting in my living room for over two years and I need to look through them to decide what I want to keep and get rid of. My closets are stuffed full of clothes that I haven't worn in twenty years, because I often feel too overwhelmed to go through everything. Have I mentioned what a slob I am? 

I know that my life would be easier if I were better organized. Friends and my boyfriend often tell me that my surroundings will affect my mindset, and if my surroundings are disorganized then my thoughts will also be scattered. I know that my life would be much more efficient if I put everything in it's proper place. I know this-so why can't I get myself to do it??

Take today for example. I know that soon that I will need to start to compile key information for a loan that I am taking out on a new house. I feel a sense of stress as I try to remember where I have even placed my tax documents from last year. If I had everything placed in a file cabinet-which, mind you, I have a professional file cabinet that is completely empty- and not in some box somewhere, then I wouldn't have to spend an hour looking for what I need. Why do I do this to myself??

Right now I am having a major panic attack as I sit and look at ten large bags filled full of small trinkets and gifts that were given to me on Christmas by my mother-who happens to be a hoarder by the way. I don't know what to do with everything; I don't even know where to place it. As a matter of fact, I just found five large bags from last Christmas stuffed in my the closet of my empty bedroom because I couldn't deal at the time with trying to figure out what to do with everything. 

I often don't have the energy to organize because I am too burned out from work. But I have no excuse this week because I am out of work for the rest of the week. On the other hand, I feel really burned out because every time that I am out of work my time seems to be consumed with trying to get my life organized or do something that I put off while I was working. I am stuck in a vicious cycle. 

I am going to get off this blog right now and dive in to trying to organize. Rest assured that this is not the last time that I will be practically having a meltdown over this because I plan on trying to get my house in order all week. Please wish me luck, and send me lots of positive energy. Do you think that if I start a whole blog about getting organized that I will actually become organized? Just kidding! 

Hello, Blogosphere!

I decided to get started early with my New Year's resolutions and start a personal blog. That's just really one of my personal resolutions, but it's an important one. Over the years I have started mini niche personal sites-ranging from a walking site to a site about possibly getting pregnant. I've always felt frustrated that I couldn't talk about whatever I wanted to talk about on each of the sites because they were too narrow in focus. So I finally decided to just start a general blog where I can talk about whatever it is that I feel like talking about.

I'm at a point in my life where I have busted my butt working on my career all throughout my twenties and early thirties, and now I just want to slow down and start to rediscover myself and what makes me tick. I'm sort of in a position where I don't really feel like I belong anymore in many communities and I want to cultivate a new space where I can be myself again. I am myself around a very small group of people and I want to find other like minds out there in the world.

I've always thought differently and had different interests than many of my family members. It's frustrating to me that I can't share with them who I am because they are a bunch of assholes. I don't show who I really am to many people in my work life either because I am either too progressive or have different interests. For years I allowed myself to be bullied and made into an outcast at work. Now I have a really bad itch to connect with people who "get me". I think I'm at the point in my life where I have to take my quest to the internet now.

Don't get too comfortable here because soon I will be changing things up a bit. I plan on blogging on feminism, politics, books, current events, health/fitness, and any other topic that really comes to my mind this year as I learn how to life my life to its fullest. Enough already with being a workaholic--2012 will be the year of reconnecting with ME!