Today I bought a dress for the first time in over a decade. Once I started gaining weight about ten or eleven years ago, I stopped wearing dresses. I never wore a lot of dresses, but back in the day I used to like to wear dresses out to dance clubs or special occasions. I haven't felt good enough about my weight or body to even try one on in years.
Saturday I am going to the wedding of my boyfriend's friend and I am really excited about it. It will be the first gay wedding that I have ever been to, and it will be on a yacht that floats around the bay. For a week my boyfriend has been excited and asked me to go and get something nice to wear, get some makeup and fix my hair up. Usually he is pretty supportive of my weight or me dressing down. I think it's finally starting to be apparent to him that perhaps I haven't been taking the best care of myself lately.
At first I felt a lot of stress about the event. I know that many of the other skinny wives are going to get all dolled up with hair, makeup, heels and jewelry. I've never cared for jewelry and am sort of a minimalist lately in the makeup department due to allergies. I just hate comparing myself to the other women. I don't feel good about myself.
Tonight I went shopping and I just bought a dress. I am nervous, but excited. Tomorrow is my birthday and tomorrow I am going to mark the day as the first day of my new life, a life where I start caring more again about my appearance, health and weight. In a way I feel like I have low self esteem and am scared to death to wear the dress on Saturday, but at this point if I don't start trying then I never will begin to feel better. It all starts with the first foot forward. And a new dress.